I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
