She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
