am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize