i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
