They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
