i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize