ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
