mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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