Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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