She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
