If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize