while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
