in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
