I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
