Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize