We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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