You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
