i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
