I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
