i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
