he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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