Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize