And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
