i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize