I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
