What a fucking waste of an outfit
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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