I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
