what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
