your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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