I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
