Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
