Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
