There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize