his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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