Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
