Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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