Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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