I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
