I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
