No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
