i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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