dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
