I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
