he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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