Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She bit a glass in half.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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