shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
