then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like eating out sand paper
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
