Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
