Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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