finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
