yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize
