You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
