Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
