your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
