he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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