Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
