I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
