so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
