Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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