Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
