Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
