if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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