and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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