so that wasnt chicken after all
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
