dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
