I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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