Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
