i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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