how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
