Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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