I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
