they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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