No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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