Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize