I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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