After last night, I could never be a politician.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
