You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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