Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
