its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Text me some of your sweat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
