Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
