Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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