Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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