Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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