omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
