I think my vagina is haunted
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
