Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
