i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
