Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
