the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
