shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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