dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's JV to your varsity
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
