someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize