He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
