one two three fourrrrnication!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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