I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize