i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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