my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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