he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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