So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
