bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
