my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They took my balls.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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