Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
