I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
